On this bright and wonderful day I have come to reflect on this day in particular. I am given to characteristic bursts of philosophy from time to time. As my Dreamer profile reflects though I rarely take action, choosing to dream only about my thoughts so most never see the light of day.
A post though on Face Book has reminded me how I feel about the cycle of life said by my friend, now life partner and colleague Jonathan Chase. Went like this: “Have you ever had that awful moment when you realise you’ve grown up into your parents?”
There is also a song from way back by Cowboy Junkies. The line in a song goes “became their mothers and their fathers without a sound”.
Oh yes this got me thinking!
First off was the thought that even though your childhood, in years, seems to be the shortest time when you look back it seems to be the longest time of your life because of the lessons you learn, and then perpetuating the behaviour, ideals and philosophies of your parents as you grow up.
I still believe that your parents are your life hypnotists.
But there is more to growing up than just accepting those ideals and behaviours. It seems to me that even rebellious people perpetuate the same behaviours they hated but in a more pronounced way.
This leads me to another saying that a friend gave me when I was just 16 he was 20 – not my boyfriend as he was going out with, and eventually married the woman who lodged with my parents. His wisdom though has stuck with me: “It’s a wise man that learns by his own mistakes. It’s a wiser one that learns by the mistakes of others”. If you don’t take this literally i.e never learning by your own mistakes, it can be seen as a great way to Not become you mothers and your fathers without a sound.
I loved and respected both my parents with all my heart. They gave me everything I ever needed as a child, care, support, love and it was only in the last few years of their lives when dad became Alzheimic and mum had a devastating stroke that left her bed bound and dependant on constant care for 3 years, that they came to depend on the family to return that love and support and I learned again valuable lessons about choice.
We can choose the life we want and can choose Not to become our parents, instead learn the lessons in life that they provided for us and become the people we want to be. And instead of perpetuating lessons, give our children something greater. The ability to choose the bits they liked and discard the bits they hated!
Love you Mum on this day wherever you are. And forever love to my children.